How many times am I feeling like I tried something and I blew it because I made mistakes and it was not perfect?  Many times.. but the key is picking myself back up again and trying again. Or maybe it’s talking to myself in a new way like “I did my best and my best is good enough.”

So let’s talk about all the scenarios that you were caught up in that somehow missed the mark of perfection. It could be when you hoped to make a great impression on the new guy at work, but you looked down and noticed you had two different colors of shoes on.  Oh how embarrassing! Or you wanted to make a good impression with someone and suddenly everything out of your mouth was not going in that direction.  I know the solution..don’t say anything. But then I look like a mute fool waiting for someone to discover that I am brilliant.
In Brene Brown’s book “The Gift of Imperfection” she shares that much of our perfection stems from over concern about what people think of us.  She states “When we spend a lifetime trying to distance ourselves from the parts of our lives that don’t fit with who we think we’re supposed to be, we stand outside our own story and hustle for our worthiness by constantly performing, perfecting, pleasing, and proving.”  That performing and perfecting can drain our energy tank leaving nothing left for ourselves or others.  We may constantly reject those parts of ourselves that are our own unique gifts only to try to match up with what others (we think) want us to be.

So if your struggle is being overly conscious about how you are perceived or trying to be the perfect partner, coworker or parent, there is hope for getting out of this cycle.

Follow these steps to see the gifts in imperfection:

1. Start learning to accept your uniqueness, that you don’t have to fit the mold. You are human and will make mistakes. You can be yourself without being caught up in striving and performing to be valued.  I spent over a decade of my life doing exactly what I am encouraging you to not do. But now, I am entering the next decade of my life learning that I don’t have to be anyone I am not. I can let go of the rigid expectations I place on myself and others and just BE. Be the person that I was created to Be.  Embrace all the imperfections with love and acceptance.

2. Find that sweet spot within that knows how to speak encouraging words to you when you have just failed in your eyes. Allow the words to be compassionate and loving rather than condemning and judging.

3. Don’t let your mind dwell on all the difficult circumstances that left you feeling uneasy about yourself. Our mind tends to like to collect all that negative data. We can learn to bypass that inner critic that is so quick to jump on us.

4. Find hope in tomorrow where we can pick ourselves back up by the boot straps and learn from our every life event that was less than perfect.

Watch your relationships blossom as you are more comfortable in your own skin free of the rigid constraints you impose on yourself!

Suzanne B. Simpson, Licensed Therapist, Speaker and Trainer