As the summer is winding down, I am hoping to be able to get back onto a regular writing newsletter schedule. I took some time off this summer to write my book which is now with the editor and can report it is beginning to shape up! I have great respect for authors having gone through this process. I learned quite a bit and now have a myopic vision for every word or sentence that doesn’t line up with proper grammar. With that said, back to my blogging.
The topic that I have been wrestling with myself is how do we love others effectively? How many of you find it difficult to love freely without any expectation in return? It might be family members that raise the hair on your chest and bring out the worse in you. Or it might be a partner that is angry and berating you which doesn’t meet your image of one whom you can respect. Or even a coworker who is difficult.
I once learned that loving others can be like horse trading. You may be giving to get something in return. Usually, we want others to respond back according to our need for something we need to have. That’s what makes it difficult because we may not get ANYTHING back—or it may not meet our image of what that love should look like.
Recently I am aware that I tend to struggle with loving without wanting a return for my effort. I wonder where my boundaries should be. Do I just give, give, give, not expecting anything? Am I a doormat leaving myself vulnerable to people taking advantage of me? I’m aware that I can’t give love from an empty well. If I am not filled up with love in my heart, how can I give away what I don’t have?
How do I get my well filled up? I believe the only one who can truly fill me up is God. When I can’t seem to turn on the love switch, He’s always there filling up my love tank. The scripture that reinforces this “His divine power has given us all things that pertain to life and godliness.” II Peter 1:3
There was a popular older book that I like to recommend that is called “The Dance of Anger by Harriet Goldhor Lerner. She discusses how one can be an over-functioner and they usually connect with those that are under-functioners. The one who is over-functioning can get angry because they never feel like they are getting anything back. Learning to be assertive to express your needs directly allows you to feel more empowered and can diffuse some of the anger that has built up by not speaking up. Also, pulling back some from all the ways you tend to over give can also aid in resolving some of the anger.
This summer I was introduced to a Biblically based EFT tapping method. Although it wasn’t a new tool for me to use on myself and others, I found Jim Richards site especially beneficial to train those on how to use this tool. Lately when I experienced an impasse in being able to resolve feeling guilty over not loving someone, I used this tool. I was amazed at how quickly the negative emotions dissipated. www.impactministries.com. Menu- Making the Journey/ Biblical EFT.
Tips on Filling up your Love Tank
- Fill up your love tank with lots of love for yourself- give yourself nurturing affirming self-talk. Ask for what you need from others rather than expecting them to read your minds.
- Practice EFT tool for letting go of self-condemnation- we can be quick to judge ourselves when we have failed to get the results we want. We may have made others unhappy by not giving them what they want from us. Unfortunately, people may be unhappy with us because they have an insatiable hole with them that can never be satisfied.
- Practice the presence of God to fill you up with His love. Spend time alone meditating on the true lover who is always available for us.
- Stop rescuing others from their distress. Focus more on loving them without doing for them things they can do for themselves. They don’t need a caretaker rather a lovable companion.
- Trust that you are given everything pertaining to life and godliness. You just need to trust that is there and ask for the fruit of the spirit at the time. The fruit of the Spirit is peace, love, patience, kindness, goodness, and self-control. Galatians 5: 22-23.
May you overflow with love from a full tank!!