What does the 4th of July represent to you? You would probably think of independence, which is the principle upon which our country was founded. Last year when I visited Williamsburg, I became aware that Americans were fighting for independence from Great Britain and their need to establish freedom from financial and emotional control. Isn’t this concept true in our lives? Aren’t you usually fighting for some type of independence? Maybe it is moving away from a family that still tends to want to control your decisions. I believe that people are constantly in a state of independence, whether they are moving away from a controlling family or a conflicting relationship. And your thoughts can also control you. My belief is that God is the only Being upon whom we can be dependent. Clients wrestle with the concept of being fully dependent on God because their ambivalence toward him could reflect back to their negative feelings toward their own father. For example, if you had a rather punitive Dad or demanding parent, you may transfer those feelings to your relationship with God. In your mind why would you want to be dependent on a God who is going to become a taskmaster? You may need to weed through your experiences to come to the final realization of what a loving parent represents.

Letting go of control allows you to gain much freedom. The premise of most 12 step programs is to relinquish control over anything that you feel powerless around. Whatever controls you is considered a form of addiction. You are drawn toward something to elevate your mood, but the opposite may occur. Using the addiction may leave you feeling drained and depleted.

So, on this 4th of July what are you declaring independence from? Is it from people controlling you, from distorted thoughts haunting you, or from some physical addiction?

Tips for Maintaining Independence:
• Relinquish control over things that keep you from being true to yourself.
• Let go of thoughts that lock you into a pattern of control.
• Examine your family beliefs that you feel hostage to.
• Develop a healthier concept of the true Father you can be dependent on.
You now have the opportunity to surrender and give whatever is controlling you to God.